Another authoritarian Tory twat

The Telegraph's coverage of today's item of gesture politics reveals the banning of imitation samurai swords.

Here's what happens with micro-management of the law, and for convenience I'm going to use a few abbreviations. "Martial arts accessory" will be MAA1, MAA2 and so on, "kitchen implements" KI1, KI2 etc, "sports accessory" will be SA1, SA2 and so on, "gets a headline" will be GAH, "then gets banned" becomes TGB, "crime levels rise" is CLR. OK? Right:

MAA1 GAH, TGB, CLR.
MAA2 GAH, TGB, CLR.
SA1 GAH, TGB, CLR.
KI1 GAH, TGB, CLR.
SA2 GAH, TGB, CLR.
MAA3 GAH, TGB, CLR.

And so on. All the time, crime figures rise. Why? Because the incompetent, authoritarian twats are more concerned with gesture politics than actually enforcing the law, which makes it an offense to attack anyone with anything - tire irons, kitchen knives, barbie dolls, upright pianos... it's irrelevant.

Meanwhile, 76 year old Maurice Smeggins of Bournemouth hasn't realised that the flimsy piece of Christmas-cracker shit hanging on his wall is in fact an imitation samurai sword. He calls the police because he thought he heard a noise in the night - incredibly, someone from the local nick actually turns up, sees the sword, and gives Mo a caution, so now he has a criminal record. Meanwhile, crime figures rise - and not just bogus ones. Bradawls have become the latest accessory for the nightclub brawling classes.

But there are Tory MPs who can't see a moronic, populist, empty bandwagon without jumping on. The Telegraph reveals that:

Last year, Tory MP James Brokenshire (Hornchurch) said cheap samurai swords were as easy to buy "as purchasing a Lotto ticket".

Thanks for the tip, James. I'm off to Budgens to buy a samurai sword, before the ban kicks in.